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  • Stefanie

Why We Always Want What We Can't Have

Updated: Jan 10, 2020

It happened again. The story repeats itself over and over. Will they ever learn?

Will I ever learn?

The neighbour's new car, a colleague's grand paycheque, that first-class ticket and premium holiday we saw on Instagram, or the best friend's diamond engagement ring. For most of us, these things are unattainable.

However, we want them so badly!

Let's not talk about tangible things now. When it comes to relationships, or simply dating and hook-ups, most of us are guilty of the following:

We want what (who) we can't have and fail to appreciate what (who) we already got!

I consider the first reason pretty simple: we are too occupied with ourselves and personal issues, that we become oblivious of the many good things (and good people) we have in life. I can't tell how many times I've been taken for granted without receiving any gratitude.

If you face such behaviour or feel guilty of committing, seek an honest and open conversation to resolve this conflict. The longer you wait, the more both of you feel hurt and betrayed.

Secondly, our generation is programmed to strive for more, better and higher. Nothing seems to be good enough! We are selfish in a way that we want to be on top of everything and everyone while believing we deserve XYZ. Whatever doesn't fit that ideal will be dismissed sooner or later.

Keep an open mind for things (and people) that have a positive influence and stop considering yourself too important.

Lastly, nobody enjoys losing. Even worse, admitting failure. Dating (as many other things in life) is a game we aim to win. Often it's not about real desire, but the simple fun of achieving. For example, getting something (someone) that appears unattainable just to prove a point. To ourselves, and probably to others.

I've observed many relationships and personal experiences to know this behaviour knows no age nor gender. We are all guilty in one way or the other because we are human. And being human involves making mistakes and having regrets about lost friendships, lovers, and partners.

It is essential to realise if someone's taking advantage or isn't truthful with you. Avoid negativity and welcome everything good to your life. Even if it doesn't fit your “ideal” or “dream world” at first.

I admit it's a long learning process. Thus I hope, one day, to find the right person.

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