There Is Nothing Wrong With You
Updated: Jan 10
Something is wrong with me. I can't get my head around it. I don't know what is going on. There is this sadness deeply rooted inside of me. It won't disappear, no matter how hard I try.
What is wrong with me?
These were the thoughts of the 14-year-old me. Probably during most of my teens.
And I finally know why.
I was a joyful kid, keen on learning and questioning my parents about everything that came to my mind. I loved knowing what was behind things and why they worked the way they did. My parents soon realised how easily I adapted to new conditions, how well I performed in school and was ahead of kids my age.
However, a few years into secondary school, it started. I questioned the purpose of life, the concept of happiness and even my existence. I found it difficult to engage with my peers because they seemed carefree, untroubled, somehow oblivious to everything outside their clique, hobbies and personal life.
I was jealous! Jealous, because I couldn't take life how it came, stop questioning everything and simply be happy. While I wasn't missing anything in my life per se, I still couldn't accept it.
Sometimes I felt like an outsider. I hung out with friends and tried to be that normal girl, laughing about jokes, going to parties and gossiping about teenage trivia. It was alright for a while, however, inner sadness would return sooner or later.
Of course, nobody knew except my mum. Only recently she told me that she had even feared I would fall into depression. Maybe it was some sort of. Or it was the knowledge and feeling of not fitting in, of not being like the others, being more mature at a younger age than the rest.
I always knew life has a greater purpose than just living the daily grind one year after the other. There is more out there than just the town you live in, your own culture, religion, country, and even continent. There is so much to explore, so much to experience.
Life offers this opportunity! We have the freedom to create the life we want and just be the way we truly are.
Loving yourself is the first step.
Because there is nothing wrong with you.
You are perfect the way you are!